Thinking about the "Terrible Twos" during Infancy
From “Kazenoko Letter” No.451 - August 2015
| After the age of one and a half, a child develops a sense of self and
enters the period commonly known as the “Terrible Twos”. At that time,
it starts to become apparent to the parent that their cute child who was
obedient and dependent on them till now has somehow changed and adopted
a rebellious attitude, and both become more easily upset. But when a child says “No”, there is no meaning behind it. It can be said to be sensory, compulsive and visceral. However, this speech and conduct are important actions for the child in building their independence. In general, it’s said that a child builds their lifetime character; their personality, by the age of 3. I wonder about that period of character-building from the age of 18 months to the age of 3. Perhaps it strongly influences the child’s future character. Therefore, it’s important to deal skillfully with a child during this “Terrible Twos” period. In order to be composed in the face of the child’s strong self-assertion, it is necessary for the mother to be able to handle it emotionally. It’s easy to understand becoming over-emotional about a child’s behavior when busy with child-raising along with the pressures of work, etc. However, we’d like her to deal with her child from a wider perspective, standing in her child’s shoes. It’s because this “Terrible Twos” period is such a short time in the span of a child’s life. It’s also an important time which affects the direction of their future. . Children who are under the age of 3 can’t judge “good or bad”, “right or wrong” logically. Their standards of judgement are very emotional, based on “likes or dislikes”, “happy or unhappy”, etc. There is a big gap between their criteria and an adult’s criteria for making judgements. A child doesn’t understand most of the time when an adult says “No”. So, it is very significant to raise a child with empathy, acknowledging, “You don’t like it, do you?”, “You are feeling sad, aren’t you?” or “You wanted me to do this, didn’t you?” |
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